Tie
by TsutsuiKimihiro
Summary: A song-fic in honor of the day Sai disappeared, May 5. (Also the first day it was posted, I reloaded it...) One-shot.


Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru No Go. Obviously…nor do I own the song "Unwell." But, I am pretty erratic and if you try to sue me I'm going to cut your tongue out. ^ ^ Hope you like my story.

"Tie" By TsutsuiKimihiro

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All day staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

Feeling like I'm headed for a break down

And I don't know why

Shindo Hikaru fell backwards onto the floor of his bedroom. A goban sat in front of him and a book of Honninbo Shuusaku's game records beside him, open to one of his last games. Black and White stones were spread out across Hikaru's board to form an exact replica of a game that he knew Sai had once sat before, behind Torajiro, using his body to place the stones and form the game that now sat in front of him. Hikaru had made this goban a shrine to Sai, relaying his games upon it almost daily, and still speaking to Sai as if could hear him and respond to his questions and statements. Hikaru could only imagine the ghosts responses, mostly to the moves he made in games of Go, which were frequent nowadays. It had become his own secret catch phrase-'What would Sai do?' and 'How would Sai respond to this move?' He thought he would like to go back one day, to Shuusaku's grave. Last time he had been to preoccupied with Sai's disappearance to really care about the place where Torajiro had once lived, and where Sai had first appeared over the Goban, making his return to the world of the living so long ago. Hikaru sat up. In fact, he could make the trip now, if he felt like it. Part of him did, but another part was reluctant to go. He stated to pick up the stones from the board. Maybe later. He left half of them there and stood, stretching and yawning. It was only 7:00, he noticed, glancing over at his alarm clock. He could go out, maybe see if Waya was home or stop by the Go salon and see if Touya was agreeing was free for a game. "Yeah," He said aloud, agreeing with his own idea. He picked up his jacket off the floor and put it on. Even though it was warm outside now, by the time he and Touya finished 'discussing'* the game, it would probably have cooled down. His book bag lay limp in a chair by the door. Hikaru grabbed it as he left his room.

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But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care. 

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be…me

" You're going out, Hikaru?" Shindo-san asked as Hikaru slipped on his sneakers

" To a Go salon, Mom," He responded absently, opening the front door. He stepped outside and shut the door behind him quickly.

" -Hikaru…"She was cut off by the door. Hikaru's mother frowned. He had been so distant. Ever since…" Ever since he stated playing Go," She concluded out loud. Part of her wondered why a boy like Hikaru had taken up a sudden interest in it. It was-or at least had been-so unlike him. It was almost unbelievable.

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I'm talking to myself in public 

Dodging glances on the train

And I know, I know they've all been talking about me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow I've lost my mind

Hikaru smiled to himself. Even with his jacket on, it felt good outside. If Touya wasn't at the salon, or if he was already playing a game, he might see if he could catch a late soccer game in the park. Heck-even is recently dreaded baseball*

" Oh hell, even crochet would be good," Any excuse to take advantage of the weather. It weighed upon him to just skip going to the salon altogether, but then again, no way.

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But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell 

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

He pushed open the heavy glass doors of Touya Meijin's Go salon,* and a revelation occurred to him. What if he had chosen any other Go salon to let Sai play in? It was almost overwhelming to think about. Why did he pick this one anyway? Out of all the places to go, Touya Akira had been waiting here. It was like fate almost, Touya waiting here, the beginning of his chase after-

" Shindo?" Sai. Hikaru looked up. And the beginning of his chase after Touya. Akira looked blankly at Hikaru. "Shindo?" He waited for Hikaru to respond. He looked totally out of hit.

" Touya…" He smiled absently, "Are you free for a game?" Akira smiled.

" Learning Go, Hikaru?" He quipped. Hikaru laughed.

" Sorry Touya, I don't teach Go to free," Maybe Hikaru wasn't as out of it as he seemed, Touya thought.

" Sorry Shindo. I was just leaving. If I don't go now, I won't finish my errands before dark." It was disappointing to miss this chance to play Shindo though…

" Well then come to my house after you finish your errands, and we can play there," He suggested this because the salon was closing in an hour. Touya thought about it. Strangely, the first thing that came to his mind was 'Sai.'

" Sure. I have to do errands first though," Hikaru nodded.

" I'll go with you then."

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I've been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they'll come to get me

Yeah, they're taking me away

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay a while and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Akira peered curiously around Shindo's bedroom. It was small, well, smaller than his own. A Goban lay in the middle of the room, some discarded game set out on it. Upon closer inspection, he recognized it immediately.

" Shuusaku…"He whispered.

" S-sorry," Hikaru said quickly, pushing the stones to the edge of the board. He blushed. Touya narrowed his eyes. Why was Hikaru so embarrassed? His games, Touya had thought, were so similar, well, atleast at the beginning. The first times Touya had played against Hikaru, he had reminded him of Shuusaku. Yes-he'd even told Ochi to study those games, in order to defeat Shindo.

"Shindo…" He wanted to ask. It was always on the tip of his tongue,"Sai is…"Shuusaku. No-that was impossible, but still, Sai, Shindo Hikaru and Honinbo Shuusaku were connected somehow.

" I'm not Sai," Hikaru said quickly, looking up at Touya. He was surprised by the look of seriousness and-was it sadness? Reflected in Hikaru's eyes.

" Then who-" Is Sai? Was Sai? Hikaru sat down in front of the Goban.

" Nigiri," He said, " You haven't asked me about 'Sai' in a while. Why today?" May fifth. *His eyes burned. Touya sat down opposite of Hikaru.

"It was around this time that Sai played, beat, my father, then disappeared," He said, trying to sound absent. He dropped two smooth black stones onto the board.

" Hmm…" Was all Hikaru said. He counted the white stones he had dropped on the board. Two, four, six, eight, "You're black," He said. Hikaru bowed, "Please."

" Please," And they began. The game was smooth. Finally they both passed, and the counting of the territory began.

"It's a tie!" Touya said, surprised. Hikaru began to count it again.

"Weird. I thought I was ahead."  
" I thought I was," Had they both miscalculated? "Count again."

" I am counting. It's a perfect tie," Touya looked intently at Shindo.

" So you won with the 5 ½?*" Hikaru nodded.

" But if the nigiri had been reversed-" It was weird. He'd never beaten Touya before this. (If you called this win. Officially it was, but to Hikaru…) Strange-no-ironic that today-"Touya…" He paused; did he really want to tell him? " About Sai…" 

" Stop," Touya said suddenly, " I don't need to know…" Hikaru blinked, surprised, "You're only-"

"The Go you play…" He said quickly. Touya nodded.

" Would you really have told me?" He asked, picking his stones up from the board. Hikaru paused, as if to ask himself the same question.

" Yes," Part of him had really wanted to, and would have. He kneeled his head, letting his blonde bangs fall in front of his eyes. Touya smiled serenely.

" That's good enough," Hikaru looked up, " Maybe someday."  
" Yeah, maybe someday…"

" Nigiri?"

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Yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be

Well, I'm just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

I'm just a little unwell

*Touya and Hikaru's idea of discussing a game usually consist of shouting matches.

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** I would think that after the run in with Kaga after Hikaru hit a foul ball into the Shougi club window, Hikaru would be a little reluctant of baseball…

***It might not be as well known that the Go salon where Hikaru first played Touya is owned by Touya Meijin.

A/N: I wanted to write a really "serious" fic, no, actually I said " I would like to write a serious "Waya x Isumi" fic…not sure what happened there…I'll try harder next time. ^ ^ www.blackpolaris.tk


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